Leben(swelt) goes on (tentative title)

[Funny thing I write this in english, but sometimes I feel more comfortable this way, even if it's only for me]

The very first thing I have before me right now is this so funny fact: Oct 16th, and I haven't fixed anything yet. No real answers, maybe some placebos, but nothing else. The only thing I've gotten this far is I am, right now, the most inauthentical in my lifetime.

I sort of miss those happy and simple days when I just lived by myself, in so many ways. I, the most solitudinarian person one can figure. Thinking of it, it's like I just had it too easy when learning Descartes' discovery of cogito: it's just I'd already been there. But sure that buddy hit the bull's eye, there's no way to think -when you really think it right- he missed his goal, but actualy that's because that was an easy one. I love my phrase about it: "any 12-year-old boy can get that". It only takes having everything as an image with no certain reality; but I used -when 12yo- to begin with morality and valorative opinions from others, then factical opinions; then my own, diferent from time to time, and only there the doubt came over sensibility (supposedly the most certain to me) and then I found myself doubting of not just everything, but anything. To me, skeptical vision is not a pseudo-philosophical pose but some (kind of) "truth" I bumped on someday. Then, with no certainty resort -not even the solipsist one- I had to make it to develop a throughout respectful morality about not only other people, but everything, including the world and the truth about it. I REALLY was an skeptic.

But, as Descartes could have had the right to say if he had been coherent with himself, I lived holding no prejudice, just with what I was feeling at every-very-single-moment: once again, I, just me; so there was no much room for anything else, nor anyone else. But, once again, I lived those beautiful days the happiest and simplest.

Perhaps -it's quite probable- my problem doesn't have to do with being around people -or having people around-, but with assuming other people's lives and perspectives, other people's worlds.

Perhaps that's my miss, and probably my bad too. I have to figure it out, perhaps this days (I don't know yet)